Canmephian Religion

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edited by WolfSkunk Shotgun, Admiral(ret), CMGC

I thought I would make things clear with what WolfSkunk RedWolf has done with hir origional documents, with our religion and how it ties into our daily lives. This is my first chance at HTML, so hold on tight...

The main stream -- God is still sleeping

The main stream of theology amoung us WolfSkunks is that, well, we don't have any proof that God is behind everything, pulling the strings. We have science that explains everything, and those that can't be explained are under investigation. Aliens unlike you of Sol 3 or Furry HomeWorld? Yes, we have had sightings, but they are under, at least passive, investigation. But I digress.

However, a majority of us are not agnostic or atheistic. We do belive in God. We just fear when Shi wakes up.

Since science has not yet discovered what caused the Big Bang which made our worlds, a main theory which forms this religion has been taught to our children from our Golden Age. The theory goes like this: In the begining of WolfSkunk history, it was dark. Completely dark. So dark, only God could sleep. And of course, Shi was asleep.

Suddenly God's alarm clock goes off. God attempts to hit the snooze button, but since light hasn't been created, attempts several times. Shi finally hits a button. Unfortunately, it's the button for the detonator on a massively dense amount of mass -- causing the big bang. Now enlightened, God realizes what Shi's done, swears an obsenity, disarms the clock and goes back to bed.

From there science picks up the story.

Alot of logical conclusions can be made with this theory, and it makes more sence than what... well, I must say, the base Christian belief system from Sol 3's Vatican. Didn't the Scopes Monkey Trial disprove that concept nicely? But I digress again.

God, in quotes

Belive it or not, we do mention God in everyday life. However, we really can't quote Hir. Like your Jewish faith, we quote some of our trend-setting Rabbi's (or Fathers, they're interchangable here).

  • "Do not call apon Hir, for Shi will not hear you. Shi is still sleeping." - WolfSkunk Himmel
  • "You? Directly created by God? Shi hasn't woken up yet! Shi would have to wake up, travel here, build you, give you instincts, and then leave for bed; but we all know Shi didn't set hir clock." - WolfSkunk Shammae
  • "Some Observer scientist joked that cosmic strings were strands of God's hair. That, if taken seriously, means hir hair stylist is very messy. But there was no other person besides God in the begining! So those strings are very long for all this time, and we don't know which end to go to. I doubt if we pull one, Shi'll wake up." - Judge WolfSkunk CrickLade
  • "GOD?!? God doesn't care about you! How can Shi? Shi never met you! Shi's still sleeping since the Big Bang! Everyone knows about it! You are highly mistaken if you belive Shi is awake." - WolfSkunk Shammae
  • "God's breast size? Flat. Shi's that old." - WolfSkunk Shammae
  • "Never mention God to a WolfSkunk, especially when Shi does something other than sleeping. Every WolfSkunk knows Shi's still asleep. You don't want to be debunked. It's too himiliating. WolfSkunk Jesus did a better job, but logic kept getting in the way." - SputWolfSkunk 88
  • "Other Gods? Nope, the closest would be Oracles. We think Bob may be one." - SputWolfSkunk 4
  • "Oh God, RedWolf's a superhero." - Judge WolfSkunk CrickLade
  • "It's not when God wakes up, is what Shi does afterward is what we fear." - WolfSkunk Himmel
  • "Year 2K? Nah. God overslept Y1K, and the dark ages happened anyway."- WolfSkunk Himmel
  • "Microsoft products have been used to scare young kids into beliving that there is a God." - WolfSkunk Laerties
  • "A Miricle? By God? Come on, shi'd not awake yet. Besides, it was still possible for that to happen, but highly improbable. Just think, it's like hitting the jackpot!" - WolfSkunk Hawking, after reconstruction surgery


Yep, we have Churches, and branches of thought. A lot of WolfSkunks have different beliefs on top of the main stream, and for that, there are different churches. The main one, the base, is the Church of the Sleeping God, which follows the faith purely. There is also a Church of the Lady of the All Night Tool, popular with students, offering help not only with religious matters but with schoolwork, and provides crash space; the Church of the Probing Eye, popular with Observers and Detectives, although a few judges do come in, doing geneological searches; and the Church of the Helping Hands, which aids Nurses, Nalis, Kitsumes, and Breeders, as well with some of the rarer mutations -- what you would call "MultiFurs."

The role of the church is not that of pushing one belief. It is of seeing things in a different light. It is not of opinions (Rabbis make it a point to be non-aligning), but of hinting at different ways. Almost all the sermons leave with a question unanswered, but with clues to help find out what the answer is. You might say it's "divine inspiration," but we call it "information sharing."

Parishoners are welcome to speak for a sermon. RedWolf did one, and was so good, shi was confused as to being a Rabbi! Rabbi Groat had a good laugh with that one.

Alternate views from various churches

  • The Church of the Lady of the All Night Tool espouses the belief that God was not sleeping before setting off the Big Bang, but that Shi partied for six days and pulled an all-nighter, creating and setting off the Big Bang, before collapsing in bed. The church thus sponsors research into the most epically effective hangover cure, because when Shi wakes up, Shi's going to need it.

Atheism, Buddist, and Agnostic Faiths

I did mention that most of our race belive in a God. It would do the remainder injustice to not recognize them.

Atheists, as you guessed, don't belive in God. This is well understood because, well, we can't prove hir existance. It is under investigation, however, but Atheists deny the theory. This is a minor point, so they get along well.

Buddists also do not belive in God, but realise that too much extreemism tains the 'soul' or moral center of the fur. They belive heavily into moderation in all aspects, including sex.

Agnostics do belive in the *possibilty* of a God, and wait for the results to come in. They are more receptive to other ideals and represent the in-the-middle road of religion. A few have formed the Church of the Waiting Canmephian, which carries on the same roles but emphazises the possibilties. A more rounded group, I do say.